Today was a very special day for the competition ‘In Someone else’s Shoes’. Because it was a in-person’s judging day, where the judges come together in our office building and discuss the few of the artworks/poetry that are tie on certain places. There are first, second, third place, plus an honourable mention.

The judging was held at the conference room and we prepared basic catering such as sandwiches and confectioneries alike. Around 12:30, the judges arrived and by 1, it officially began with a brief introduction what NSI has done through last year to now, then going through selected poems, and art in age category. If there was a tie in any place, it’d be stopped and open up for a debate.

Before starting, there was a moment when everyone in turn go around and introduce themselves explaining their contribution. Today wasn’t my day, as my turn gets closer and closer I had an instant panic attack, there was nothing in my head but ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I don’t want to be here’ but ‘I don’t want to mess this up’. My head became white and I requested to my superior who was next to me to change seat with me. At first she seemed confused, but she accepted my request and gave her hand for me to hold. She noticed that I was shaking. By the time it was my time to say, I did decently, at least didn’t ruin everything with my unstable state. I think perhaps because I was holding her hand, which I’m thankful for.

Several things I noticed during the judging were: first of all, obvious but how versatile each perspective is. There were some thing I didn’t agree with, however, seeing each opposed opinions clash with each other therefore creating a debating discussion stood out to me most -but I was told later that last year was full of heated arguments. I remember when it was deciding the honourable mention on 14-16 age art category, one of the judges firmly emphasised that he can’t chose one between the two (there were three pieces but there were two that held stronger elements) and both of them should be chosen. His sternness earned a jointed honourable mention which I felt his genuine interest and passion for the works conveyed and it made an impression on me.

Aside from judging which work should be chosen, there were other subjects arise along the discussion, such as AI, as one of the judge suspected a usage in in a poem that in discussion and the other judge claimed unless if there was a clear evidence it shouldn’t be confronted. Also, there was a concern around the blurred boundaries in the works created from workshops, projects led by a teachers. In which led to the potential affect on adult’s involvement on the piece. I thought it was interesting but I was disheartened because of that reason, the piece I liked was let go of.

By 3 O’clock, all the judging has officially ended. In overview, it was interesting to see the process on how judging works. But from this I also realised once again, art is subjective and considering most of the works I rooted for were either not even selected or not been picked shows that not been included doesn’t indicate the work has less value or quality. My taste is very different to most people in the room today and vice versa, and it’s just an inevitable truth. But I was happy that children’s hard works have been shown and be represented.

A side note, a nice old gentleman with vivid blue three piece suit with grey coat who came as a judge brings a cake for us baked by his wife. Apparently he does it every year but however, no one is keen on it. But the cake was very cute with icing decoration of the Easter bunny with NSI name in it. Frankly I liked the cake, but when they told me to take all, I was bit hesitant as it was too much for me…

NSI’s international competition (Conversation on conflict), ‘In someone else’s shoes’ has ended on 6th March. In total combining both art, poetry and songs, there were over 2000 submission and our team had to shortlist them one by one and pass onto the judges within a week.

I was involved in the process as well, I was assigned to shortlist age 9-11 in poetry and with art was done collectively.

Before talking about my experience in shortlisting, this whole process intrigued me as I’d always been the participant in awards, competitions etc so this was first time to decide which piece will go up or not as a position of a judge (ish).

Therefore, it got me bit nervous and excited to have this power. When I just into the first round it was intriguing to see the variety of poems submited by children, and it was easy to go through since there were poems that didn’t follow the guideline (Must fit within A4, relevent to the theme etc). However, quickely I saw myself struggling.

It was not so easy to sit and read through around 200 poems and need to shrink it down to 25 and what’s more a lot of them were hard decipher whether it’s a pass or not. I was surprised the overall standard of poems were so much higher than I anticipated but also there’re many factors I need to consider.

The most important part was if it moved my heart, but also whether the subject is creative, used any noticeable technique, etc. Although they’re the things I’d be aware of as participant but I realised they come across slightly differently when judging. I was constantly if I was being fair, the fact I had weigh them in certain ways were difficult to get my head around. Especially, if there’s an element in the piece which I consider it’s unique or valuable, but the more I had to reduce the list, this turn into a dilemma dependanct on my own judgement and taste. Despite a lot of them, I could see they wrote as a joke or took i light heartedly, it was still made question if I had the right to fail them.

As mentioned previously, art shortlisitng was done as a team and was done more efficiently and easily. If the quality of the piece doesn’t satisfy, they don’t get selected, or it’s decided it touches on irrevelent topic it also fail to be shortlisted.

Poetry 9-11 catergory by myself took around a week to finalise whereas art 9-18 as whole was needed just one day.

The thing I was able to see was not as individual piece but the submission as a whole picture, thus I realised the patterns and cliches the works could really become. Interestingly, I found it more frequent with art, for instance, half divided world (happy, peacful world vs detroyed sad world), metaphorical use of chessboard, puppets, and eyes, and from a point of view of a judge is very apparent. I think, because of that, everyone was ruthless in cutting them off, quick in deciding what should go.

Frankly, I just wanted to document this process, since I think it’s amusing experience, where I never thought I’ll be looking into, hence when the pieces that gravitated me espeicially were not the technically impressive but more personal. Personal in terms of their relation to the theme, the style or perspective.

For the longest time, Canterbury was known as Chaucer’s ‘Canterbury’s tale’ but on 4th of March, Wednesday was my first time going to Canterbury-not to mention I started the day very early 5:00 am which is rare.

We were invited to assist the workshop at Christ Church University in Kent. Two secondary schools (Canterbury Academy and Sandwich Technology School) participated and were divided into poetry and art ran by two practitioners Sara and Azan.

We arrived at CCC university at 9 am, meeting the university ambassadors, staff and the practitioners alike then we helped setting up.

By 9:30 one of the school group came and waited around as the other group was late as they ended up arriving at exactly when the session started.

It all started with an introduction to CCC plus the house keeping rule and brief introduction to NSI and the competition, ‘In someone else’s shoes’. But the most key speech was by Khojesta who is an Afghan intellect and human activist talking about her experience of repression in Afghanistan on education (particularly on young women) due to the Taliban’s takeover. After 10 minutes worth of comfort break, the schools were split. Canterbury School was poetry and Sandwich was art. Like the schools did, staffs were divided to support the workshop thus myself and Ama were also joined different workshops-I was art, and Ama the poetry.

The workshop, there was short introduction by Sara – the art practitioner- and the children were asked to create and street art style artwork of a shoe responding to Khojesta’s talk or encouraged to think in other’s perspective.

What I did was mostly tidying and just basically helping when it’s needed. However, both of us had the biggest challenge to face; to interact with the children. Because of our timidity at Manchester, my superiors specifically called us to step up especially we’ll be leading the workshops and private view ourselves.

Of course, I knew that it was required for me to do and I was preparing myself for it. But because of my overthinking and social awkwardness it was hard for me to be proactive. To confess the truth, I fear if I’d interrupt them when they’re creating as when I was in their shoes, I hated when someone came up and bother me with questions (I used to cut off the conversation and go back to my working zone but after this experience I regretted my past actions haha). So most of the time, I was wandering around to get a chance to talk to them.

But of course, I managed to have a word with every table and they were nice than I expected. What I found surprising was how engaged they were, there were many questions during the speech and throughout the workshop. Although some were artist block on what their subject should be, but at the end they created amazing works.

What I interested in was some of their decision to make it to a storytelling, or create a fictional character and imagine their state. It made me think about my recent reflection on purpose in art how any of form art guide one to experience the life of other in different environment thus expand one’s expand their view of the world moreover, become empathetic. But this is slightly out of topic, I digress.

At the end all schools unite and volunteers present their work and read poetry, which by quarter to three, it all ended.

From the most thought that struck was really about myself. I came to think about my anxiety in small talks and I left with greatest fear I looked upon as creepy/awkward adult or even worse I was beginning to think about everything I’ve said and judging them. This has been my life time struggle, and this has got me fallen to the rabbit hole of self doubt which will be a long term project to work on.

Even after finishing the workshop, we had about an hour for the train to come, so we had a very short tour around Kent, and saw the Cathedral accompanied with the ambassadors from the CCC who we met by accident.

This is a follow up post to the visit to the Manchester.

Even before the reading room closing for installation, there were already a collection of a3 sized prints displayed in the middle of the hall, and there were library users who were carefully going around to view them.

While waiting for the closure, I was observing them observing the works, from there I felt the high level of concentration and attention, that the viewers were genuinely interested in the young artists’ works and stories.

Of course, their message and impressive works fully deserve them but on the other hand, I was thinking back on my practice.

For me, when one looks at my work, I usually look away or on the edge because I get anxious as if they are critiquing my inner self. In overview, I felt it was a vulnerable place to be. But when I was looking at the cared attention radiating from the viewers, I was thinking it’d have been nice if my works were seen like that. My purpose in creating is partially birthed out from the urge to seen in the first place? It took this long for me actually came to a contemplation like this…

I decided next time, I’ll observe straight into my audience looking on my work (not in a creepy manner), I want to face my vulnerability, like what Nietzsche famously said, “And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee”, but the abyss in this case is not defined as evil but my weaknesses.

I want to earn stability, an assurance of myself, my practice and this placement.

It was 12th February, Thursday. Instead of being in the office, we were at Euston station waiting for the train to Manchester.

‘Bridges to Sunflower’ was a project that has been planned back from last October, it was collaborative workshop/exhibition with The Sunflower Dream Project-a creative charity for children in Ukraine. It first started by The Sunflower in Lviv, Ukraine where Children produced paintings around their experience in the Ukrainian war.

Then their arts and story get passed on the children in local Manchester schools through workshops and create poems in response. The day we went to the Manchester was when we had a private view at the Manchester Central Library. Me and my DPS Colleague, Ama participated in the event as the helpers to prepare for the private view.

The Library was a lot bigger and sophisticated than I imagined, and the room where the private view took place was a reading room with baroque decorations with dome. It was hollow, so even dropping of pencil echoes all over the room. At 4pm, the reading room was closed for installation, and we helped setting up the artworks. The private view officially started at 5:30, the guests arrived at the venue. It was one of our tasks to guide any lost visitors who wander around the library.

There was around seventy ish guests, however given the wide capacity of the room, it still maintain spaciousness and quietness despite the conversations amongst. There were several speeches made: it started from the leader of The Sunflower Dream, the mayor of the Manchester, the representative of Ukrainian community in Manchester and Katie, the CEO of NSI came up and deliver their speech.

But the highlight of the event was when the few children read aloud their poems from the workshop which was powerful. And the rest was viewing works and conversations around it. Some works were original which made vast different from prints, other than the works I saw from working on the booklet, I came across more works I never saw before.

When everything was over (I finished a plate of Ukrainian biscuits and broke a glass), we were in Euston station at 10pm.

When I reflect on this experience, I found it really helpful to imagine what our SIP exhibition is like in 3 months time. Of course, the atmosphere in comparison will be more casual than Manchester but however, I came to realisation that I need to prepare myself in communicating others who I never interacted with, furthermore, at least with the Manchester, there was slight representation of children at the scene, but with us, there’ll be a possibility that we need to represent in behalf of young artists.

I don’t consider myself as an eloquent or interesting person to have a chat with, and I do find those setting quite a burden. I confessed to my colleagues that I don’t like the private views coming from my experience, I felt they easily become too loud, and no one focuses on the artworks in the first place. But what I like with Manchester was the space was not overwhelming but lively enough.

One thing I reflect on that I could’ve done better was when Katie was disappointed with us for not speaking to anyone at the view. Which I felt perhaps I should have at least attempt to speak to some of them, but I didn’t have much courage. Small talk is hard.

This week so far has been not many things happening, I’m still working on the Month of the Military certificate, SIP, and going back and forth with Vincia, the library manager at Tate Streatham Library.

I can feel myself that I’m getting used to being in the office, it’s a nice feeling that I can be myself with everyone, and I’m not as scared or timid compare to when I first started the placement. However, on the other hand, this makes me on the contrary, fear if I’m not pushing myself further. Perhaps, I’m not trying hard at this point than I should have…

I had an interesting conversation with my DPS colleague, Ama, during lunch break. As usual, I was on about some nonsense gibberish and she was bearing with me. Today we talked about our perspective on marriage and naturally we spoke about our parents and their relationship. Obviously, I can’t go into details as it’s personal, but what we realised was how childhood shapes our thinking thus form our values of life.

This fact is not necessarily remarkable or new idea but from that conversation, I was discern of greater impact it really had on myself.

Then, I became to wonder going beyond from personal values, but to social justice, how we’re influenced by our own world = surroundings. Everyone has their own world, our childhood, culture, interest are different which is natural. But at least with me, we tend to not realise how biased we are with our experience, and though we think we’re empathic to others but it doesn’t indicate we truly be able to see in their shoes.

This was something that hit me at the lunch time and to this day.